Friday, September 30, 2016

Motherhood and Stockholm Syndrome: What DOES the Fox Say?

     It all started one day at school. My son was in P.E. when his teacher made the fateful decision to let the kids dance all period. It wasn't the dancing that was going to create a ripple effect in my life, however: it was his choice of song. He played "What Does The Fox Say?" by Ylvis for a room full of five-year-olds. That bastard.
      From that day forward my son wants to listen to this song as much as he possibly can. I can honestly say that his obsession with this song was the first thing he's ever liked or done that made me feel old simply because I cannot comprehend why he loves it so much. It's an annoying, weird song. Well, now is about the time I tell you the tale of how I began to identify with my captor and can sing along to this song with my son like a pro. 
     Sometimes, as a parent (especially a stay-at-home parent because you're with your kids all the time) you find yourself being bombarded by a kids TV show or song on a 24/7 basis. My son wanted to listen to "What Does the Fox Say" in the car, at home, he sang it in the tub, I think I even heard him say "the seal goes ow ow ow" in his sleep one time. When you find yourself listening to the Frozen soundtrack for the 100,000,000 time, or watching Doc McStuffins like it's a TWD marathon parents like me basically go through the five stages of grief.
     First: denial. No, absolutely not. There is no way he can possibly want to listen to that song AGAIN. I can't take one more verse. Should I pretend like I didn't hear him, or tell him YouTube is broken? "Oops, sorry son. You listened to this song so many times you broke the internet."
     Second: anger. I HATE YLVIS. Those dumb bastards wrote this song knowing knowing it was basically musical crack for kids. WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT? Do they have kids? By the old gods and the new I hope their kids get addicted to The Wiggles and they have to listen to the "Fruit Salad" song one hundred times a day until they die. 
     Third: bargaining. Please. Not again. Don't make mommy listen to this song again. If you don't make mommy listen to this song again I'll get you an ice cream cone. Heck, you can have a pint of ice cream. No? No ice cream? Okay, that's cool man. Whatcha want? I've got candy. No? Do you want some money? I'LL GIVE YOU MONEY. Just don't make me listen to that song again. Would you consider wearing headphones? Oh they hurt your ears? Well this song hurts mommy's ears and her feelings. 
     Fourth: depression. I'm never going to feel joy again. It's so cold. Ylvis has over 624,000,000 views on Youtube and I think at least 1,000,000 of them were my son. Why? Why me? He even wants to be a fox for Halloween so he can terrorize other people with this song. I'd cry but that well ran dry a long time ago. 
     And finally, fifth: acceptance. You know, I guess it's kind of catchy. They even have some scat at the end there, now that brings me back to my own 90's childhood. Can we listen to "What Does the Fox Say?" again? HECK YES. In fact, I think it's time for a DANCE PARTY. You be the guy who sings in the beginning and I'll be the guy who sings the second verse. Daddy can make the animal sounds. LET'S ROCK THIS JOINT!