Friday, October 24, 2014

Liam and the F***ing Steak

Anyone who knows or has spoken to Liam can tell you that he's very...verbose. My little chatterbox will talk to pretty much everyone about everything, with a great vocabulary. In fact, sometimes he picks up new words with  alarming speed; especially words we don't necessarily want him/intend for him to know. Of course, the words we don't want him to learn are curse words. We're usually pretty good about not cursing in front of Liam, and we really try to keep it to a minimum in general.

The first time my son dropped the F-bomb on me, it was probably my husband's fault. Somehow my husband slipped up and f**k entered my three year-old's vocabulary. I was in the kitchen sometime after he must have heard the f-word, cutting up leftover steak for a steak and eggs breakfast. I was still pretty tired, and hadn't even finished my first cup of morning coffee. In walks my cherub-faced little angel son, hair all tousled from sleep. "Good morning, Mommy" he said. "Good morning, sweetie" I replied. Liam then looked up at me and said, in all seriousness, "Mommy, is that the f**king steak?" My jaw dropped. "...what did you just say?" I asked. Liam looked at me like I must be hard of hearing and answered "Is.That.The.F**king.Steak?" really slowly and clearly, so I could understand him. I said the first thing that popped into my head, "Yes, it is, but we don't say f**cking. That's not a nice word, and I don't want to hear you saying it again." Liam told me he understood, and went on with his morning like it was business as usual. I immediately ran to the bathroom where my husband was taking his a.m. shower. "You will not believe what just came out of your son's mouth!" Nathan always knows I'm about to tell him something bad that is most likely his fault when I refer to Liam as "his son". He thought it was hilarious, so he was no help.

We haven't had another F-bomb incident since, so I (mistakenly) let my guard down. The other night I was working on something on the computer when I realized I had been doing it incorrectly and had to start over from scratch. I was frustrated, and I forgot that there were little ears present. In my frustration a "damn it" may have slipped out of my mouth. Twice. Of course, now Liam's new favorite thing to say is "damn it". He always uses it in the right context (which I guess is good...I mean if you're going to curse it really should be in the right context) and in the same tone that I do (no pawning this one off on Daddy).

Why is it that kids pick up the words you don't want them to learn the quickest? Liam still says "music" as "moo-skit" BUT he can toss out four letter profanities like they're Mardi Gras beads. I guess now that we've broken the f**k barrier, Liam will have to watch the "fudge" scene from "A Christmas Story" and see that saying bad words comes with consequences. And while I wouldn't put an entire bar of soap in my three-year-old's mouth I most certainly would make him wear some pink bunny footed pajamas and take copious amount of pictures for future use.