"Physically fit" has never really been an adjective used to describe me, at least not since gym class ceased to be a requirement for me in the eleventh grade. Something clicked in my head after Owen was born, causing me to really want to exercise more. Maybe it was trying to keep up with a newborn and an active three year old, maybe it was watching many of my other friends posting thin-looking selfies from the gym onto Facebook, or maybe it was the fact that even my fat pants were too snug for comfort. Honestly, it was probably all three (but mostly the pants).
A few weeks after having Owen I went on a rampage and tried on all my pre-baby clothes. None of my pants fit. The only pants I could wear were my maternity pants and my pajama pants. My husband, sensing a complete tear-filled meltdown approaching, called my mom in and she started reassuring me that it takes several weeks before everything in my body would be back to normal. My uterus needed to shrink yada yada yada, not to mention the baby weight. Logically I knew this, but I still felt frustrated, embarrassed, and sad that I couldn't fit into a single pair of jeans. WHICH WERE ALREADY LARGE!!
After the tears abated and I had time to calm down, I looked at my husband (glared really) and said, "I am NOT buying bigger pants. I'm either going to lose the weight or I just won't be able to go anywhere because I won't have any pants to wear."
Since then I've given up fast food (with the exception of Subway), I try to drink only water and coffee (occasionally I'll have a soda, but I try really hard to stay away from it), and I've been exercising at home and going to the base gym. With all of this, and my enhanced breastfeeding metabolism, I've lost 26 lbs since Owen's birth, and actually weigh less than I did before I got pregnant. I can proudly say that all but 3 pairs of my pants fit (my "skinny jeans" still elude me). I feel so much better, emotionally and physically.
However, I still have a long way to go. I don't have a specific weight I'd like to get to, I just want to feel well. I want to be able to buy cute clothes, and wear them with confidence. I want to be able to chase my kids around without feeling cumbersome and exhausted. And, most importantly, I don't want my tummy to jiggle when I brush my teeth.
So, I'm going to be adding my "fitness journey" to the list of things that I talk about here. For me, it's not about being "fat" or "skinny" because I don't really like to look at it that way. People are how they are, and every body type carries weight a different way. I just want to feel good about myself, and the way I look.